Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost/Transcript
Transcript Act 1 * Squidward: to a wax sculpture of himself Have I told you how beautiful you are? Your tentacles, your nose, your eyes...a little lopsided. * out the right eye, fixes it then puts it back in place * Squidward: There. And now that I've been immortalized in wax, I have conquered all artistic media. Come on, my precious reflection, smile! * makes wax sculpture smile. Then he hears a crash from outside and frowns; the sculpture does as well * SpongeBob: Hike, Patrick, hike! * run in separate directions but SpongeBob has a big rock. Drops the rock on the ground and it breaks in half while Patrick blows a chess piece across a chessboard * SpongeBob: You just lost three points. * a tree branch * SpongeBob: One. Two. Five! * upside down and blows a bubble into a shape * SpongeBob: G-7! * Patrick: G-7? King me! King me! * into the coral branch and pops the bubble * Patrick: I lose! * SpongeBob: But it's not Tuesday, Patrick. * Patrick: Tartar sauce! * peeks out * Squidward: Hey! What are you invertebrates doing? * SpongeBob & Patrick: We don't know. * Squidward: Hey, Patrick, do you know what time it is? * Patrick: Uh, yeah, Squidward, it's... * his watch but all the bubble soap leaks out when he turns his wrist around * Squidward: Time to find some other game to play! * Turns on the record player while taking a bubble bath * SpongeBob: Now what? * Patrick: a shell on the ground We could toss that shell back and forth. * SpongeBob: up shell Okay... ready! * shell into Patrick's belly. Patrick shoots it into the air * Patrick: Go! * goes after it * SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! * shell flies through Squid's open window, knocks into Squid's sculpture, and it falls over * SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! I got it! * in the other room, hears a thump, but he ignores it. Sponge and Pat enter the room via the elevator * SpongeBob: Remember, Patrick, finders keepers. * Patrick: There it is! * to the shell that is in the wax sculpture of Squidward * SpongeBob & Patrick: I got it! I got it! * pulls the shell out * Patrick: Bonus points! * starts to walk off * SpongeBob: Uhh, Patrick? I think something's wrong with Squidward. He looks unconscious. * Patrick: Don't worry. I know how to do this. * tries to give CPR, but his face turns blue and he floats up to the ceiling but lets out all the air and lands on top of the wax sculpture's head * SpongeBob: Get off him, Patrick! * stands up * Patrick: What are you worried about? * butt is now imprinted on the sculpture's face * Patrick: He looks better already. * & Patrick stand him up * SpongeBob: But he still feels cold. * Patrick: Well, let's go put him in the warm. * bring the sculpture in front of the window with the sun shining through it * SpongeBob: Do you think he'll be okay? * Patrick: You know, you worry too much. * sculpture begins to melt * Patrick: The Patrick is here and SpongeBob I know a lot about head injuries, believe... * to drool as SpongeBob snaps his fingers * Patrick: ...me. Hey, what's that on your shoe? * looks down * SpongeBob: I don't know. * Patrick: It kind of looks like... * liquid puddle of green goo is on the floor * SpongeBob & Patrick: Squidward! * are screaming as Squidward is powdering his nose * SpongeBob: No, no, that part goes here. * Patrick: Yeah-yeah, that's it, uh-huh. * SpongeBob: We're almost there. We can do this. * Patrick: It's working, it's working... * SpongeBob: This is working. * melts again * Spongebob: Patrick, this isn't working! * Patrick: Look! * turn over * SpongeBob: I don't know how to say it, but our old pal Squidward, he's... He's... He's pushing up daisies! * Patrick: Oh, I thought he was dead. * comes out of the bathroom covered in talcum powder. SpongeBob & Patrick cling to each other and get scared * Squidward: screams What are you doing here?! Well? Are you two trying to say something, or do I have to...? * SpongeBob: No, stay back! * Squidward: What is the matter with you two? * Patrick: Don't, don't hurt us! * SpongeBob: It was an accident! * Squidward: What are you two talking about? * notices the goo on the floor and screams * Squidward: Look what you've done to me! When I get my hands on you, I'll... * SpongeBob: Please, Mr. Squidward's ghost! * & Patrick are bowing before Squidward * SpongeBob: Spare us your ghostly anger! * is kissing Squidward's feet * Patrick: Oh, yes, Mr. Squidward's ghost! Please don't haunt us! * SpongeBob: We'll do anything you want! Just have mercy on us! * then gets an idea and grins evilly * Squidward: Enough! Listen up, Squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. He hath decided to spare ye a horrible fate. All ye must do is tend to my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand. * SpongeBob: Does that include... * Squidward: Quiet! Now, do as you're told! Lest ye incur the wrath of Squidward! * Patrick: to SpongeBob I think they make a cream for that now. Act 2 * and Patrick carry out Squidward on his bed * SpongeBob: Here? * Squidward: Too hot. * a little more then stops * SpongeBob: Here? * Squidward: No, too wet. Keep going. Keep going. * a little more then stops * SpongeBob: Here? * Squidward: Toulouse-Lautrec. * shot * SpongeBob: Too tired... * stop where they are * Squidward: Perfect. Hmmm, I feel needy. * his hands * Squidward: Slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment. * SpongeBob: Only the freshest, o spooky one. * run off. SpongeBob comes back with grapes * SpongeBob: A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. * eats it while SpongeBob goes and gets a banana * SpongeBob: A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. * it into Squidward's mouth. Patrick comes back with a watermelon * Patrick: One watermelon... * it into Squidward's mouth, who keels over due to the weight * Patrick: Fresh from the manure fields, your spookiness. * the ground, Squidward's head is shaped like the watermelon * SpongeBob: Art thou not pleased? * spits out the watermelon * Squidward: Enough of that! I want something else to eat now. Something that's very difficult to find. * Patrick: What do you hunger for, master? * SpongeBob: Whatever you want, we'll find it. We'll find it. * Squidward: Cherry pie. * holds up a cherry pie * Squidward: Where'd you get that? * Patrick: I found it. * takes it and throws it somewhere * Squidward: Well, go find it again! * goes searching for it * Squidward: SpongeBob, get over here. Now spin around. * turns around * Squidward: That's better. Now jog in place. * jogs in place * Squidward: Say "flank steak". * SpongeBob: Flank steak. * Squidward: I think I'm beginning to like this. Stop. * stops * Squidward: Now, play me an elaborate song with this! * SpongeBob a tissue * SpongeBob: But this is just a piece of tissue paper. * Squidward: Oh, my. Always having to have it our way, don't we? Oh, boo-hoo. blows through the tissue to try and get it to make music * SpongeBob: I can't do it! * Squidward: Well, I hope you don't have any plans tonight, 'cause you're not allowed to leave that spot till I hear a song. * away. Day turns into night and into day again and SpongeBob is lying on the ground with the tissue on his nose * Squidward: What's this? Napping on the job? You're supposed to be making music for me. As punishment for this insolence, Squidward's ghost commandeth you to clean out his back room. * Patrick: back with the pie I found it. * takes it * Squidward: I'll take that! * pie in Patrick's face * Patrick: Yes, your ghostliness! * filling off his face * Patrick: This is fun. Act 3 * SpongeBob: Patrick, are you ready for this? * Patrick: Yes. * walks a couple steps forward * SpongeBob: Okay, let's go. Patrick, are you coming? * is facing the wrong way * Patrick: Yes. * SpongeBob: Patrick, it's this way. * Patrick: Where? * SpongeBob: Here. * Patrick: around Oh, coming! * enter a room in the back with a bunch of junk in it * SpongeBob: How are we going to clean up all this mess? * SpongeBob: It's easy. Just tear this wallpaper off! * the wall * Patrick: laughs Oh look, you missed some. * picks up a book * SpongeBob: Oh, let's see. It's a comic book, and look at this. It's the Origin of the Flying Dutchman. * picture in the book * SpongeBob: It says when he died they used his body as a window display. Now he haunts the seven seas because he was never put to rest. Well, don't you get it, Patrick? * Patrick: We're going to go shopping? * SpongeBob: No! We're gonna put poor old Squidward to rest. * is laying on the couch, SpongeBob & Patrick spit spitballs at him * Squidward: Ow! What the heck was that? * SpongeBob: Initiation! That was part one of your ceremony. * Squidward: Ceremony for what? * SpongeBob: We're going to put you to rest. * Squidward: I don't want to be put to rest! All I want are those chores done. Now, did you clean the back room yet? * SpongeBob: Yeah. * Squidward: Oh, really? I'm going to go check. * off. Opens door and screams because he sees Patrick & SpongeBob with a coffin * SpongeBob: Okay, get in. * Squidward: Are you crazy? I'm not getting in that thing! * SpongeBob: But you said we could put you to rest. * Squidward: I didn't say anything like that! Now, get out of my house! * pushes SpongeBob and Patrick outside * Squidward: Now what? sees SpongeBob writing on a tombstone * SpongeBob: I wrote "Here lies Squidward. You may not remember him, but he..." * screams * SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward. Does this look deep enough? * Squidward: SpongeBob! Cut that out! * SpongeBob: Oh, look, the mourners have arrived. * bus with a load of people are in front of Squidward's house * Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward, we all came as soon as we were sure you were dead. * Squidward: SpongeBob, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse? * SpongeBob: No, just into this hole. * Squidward: then sighs SpongeBob, I have a confession to make. off his night cap * SpongeBob: gasps You're bald? * Squidward : No, I'm not bald! I'm alive! Now get rid of that tombstone and tell all your friends to go home! * SpongeBob: But- * Squidward: Do it! * SpongeBob: Go home. * get back on bus sadly * SpongeBob: But I, Master-- * Squidward: I'm not your master, I'm your neighbor. Now do me a favor and stop doing me favors! * off * SpongeBob: As you wish, master. * Squidward: D'oh! * Patrick: Boy, he really had us fooled. * SpongeBob: No, Patrick, he's the fool. He's a ghost in denial. He needs us now more than ever. * Patrick: You're right. He really needs to get up to the great beyond. * SpongeBob: Patrick, say that again. * Patrick: That again? * SpongeBob: No, the other thing. * Patrick: No, the other thing. * SpongeBob: annoyed No, what you said before when you... * Patrick: No, what you said before when you... * SpongeBob: Never mind! I've got an idea. * Patrick: Never mind! I've got an idea. * gets annoyed again. Act 4 * Squidward is reclining on his chair outside. SpongeBob is trying to blow a bubble big enough to get Squidward * SpongeBob: I can't reach him! * Patrick: Blow harder! * blows a big bubble to consume Squidward. The bubble lifts Squidward gently from his chair. The octopus doesn't notice that he's floating. * Patrick: There he goes! * SpongeBob: Isn't he beautiful? * Patrick: How high's he going to go? * sees he's floating * SpongeBob: All the way, Patrick, up to the great beyond. * of them wave to Squidward * SpongeBob: Goodbye, friend! * Patrick: Happy trails! * pounds his fists on the bubble and tries to yell, but his voice is so distorted by the soapy wall that unintelligible muffled noises come through. * SpongeBob and Patrick: You're welcome! * SpongeBob: He's on the other side now. * Patrick: Yeah. * is floating above the sea at Bikini Atoll island in a bubble * Patrick: He's in a better place. * moans in the bubble with seagulls flying around him Category:GEICO Commercials Category:1999 Commercials Category:New Jersey Commercials Category:GEICO New Jersey Category:Thomas Lau Commercials Category:GEICO Thomas Lau New Jersey Category:GEICO Thomas Lau New Jersey 1999-2005 Category:GEICO Gecko Commercials Category:GEICO Gecko New Jersey Category:GEICO Gecko New Jersey 1999-2005 Category:Songs Category:SpongeBob Squarepants Commercials Category:GEICO Paramount ADS Category:GEICO Nickelodeon ADS